Unga Bunga

I went to go investigate the noise, shiny new flash light in my hand. I crept slowly around a shelf containing boxes, to see before me, Mr. Health Inspector Sir, standing in front of the back door, which was wide open.  A gang of doctors was swarming in through the door with birds on their shoulders. One of the doctors had a boom box, and was blasting Unga Bunga Bunga by Flavor Flav. The doctors were jumping around, dancing, making cawing sounds, and flapping their arms like wings. This was pretty freaky, so I decided to watch to see what they were going to do.

The doctors were starting to kick down boxes, and some of them sprayed graffiti on the walls. Graffiti such as:
OATHBREAKERZ
WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD BOX?
UNGA BUNGA
THE BIRD ALLIANCE
PLAGUE DOCTOR 4 LYFE

It was at this pooint, that I knew that I needed to take action to prevent further damage to this wonderful building.
"Excuse me! Mr. Health Inspectors Sirs? Could you please not be doing that? It's not very nice."
They just started cawing at me, and laughing. This was when I got a chance to read some graffiti.
"Oathbreakerz? So you're doctors who have, broken the Hippocratic Oath? That's not cool, guys. Could you please leave?

They did not respond kindly to that last part, not even a little. A group of them charged at me. As they took off after me, the boxes on the floor started to slide around aggressively. I'm not sure why the boxes started doing that, but it almost felt like they were protecting me. The Oathbreakerz tripped over the boxes, and I was able to escape.

But eventually, my luck ran out. The boxes that had tripped the Oathbreakerz didn't seem to be able to repeat that trick, and were instead bumping into the walls over and over again. A group of the Oathbreakerz reached me, and so I reacted with savage animal instinct. I pulled out the flash light to shine it in their eyes.

But a light didn't come out. Rather, a big metal stick did, that whacked one of them in the head. That was neat. I could feel more buttons rising out of the flashlight, and poking my hand. I clicked a blue one, and the stick was coated in electricity. That was badass.

I swung the stick around at the Oathbreakerz, and electrocuted each and every one of them. Piece of cake. The remaining Oathbreakerz all charged at me together. I needed something more than an electric stick, so I clicked the green button, and the stick turned into a giant tree. They were almost to me. I grinned, because I had the best one liner ever.

"This one's from Hippocrates, bitches!"
I began to beat them all into the ground with my tree. They were trying to come at me with syringes, but in the game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!" tree ALWAYS beats needle. It's like Batman versus the Joker. I always win.

Sadly, I had forgotten something very important! The birds! I had forgotten, they were all woodpeckers! The woodpeckers started tearing my tree apart, so I rapidly hit another button at random. The tree turned into a lion! The lion ate those pesky woodpeckers, but then he started to turn blue! I forgot they were LIGHTNING woodpeckers! My lion began to vomit lightning, which I carefully directed at the Oathbreakerz, taking down ALL of them. Well, all but one. Which was perfect.

I pressed the black button, changing my flashlight back to a normal flashlight. The final conscious Oathbreaker looked up at me, with nothing but fear in his eyes. He asked me a question.
"What the hell ARE you?"
I looked down at him, raised my flashlight, and grinned.
"I'm the Night Guard."
I knocked him out with the flashlight, and went to go get some fritos. I wasn't sure what to do with the unconscious bodies (YES, unconscious! I used just enough force to incapacitate, but not kill. Like Batman.), so I left them for the day crew to clean up.

This is the best job ever.